Soooo...about bullying.

    Usually when I want to write about a certain subject, I know how to begin writing about it pretty quickly. However, when it comes to bullying, I am not sure where to begin, to be honest. It is such a sore subject because I would say most people who had been to  school or are current students in school(public or private) have experienced bullying in some way.According to an organization called "Champions of Choices", bullying is ".... a form of harassment and can be defined as a willful attempt to control others through verbal abuse, exclusion, or physical violence." With that definition in mind, it would be hard to think that most people have not endured such things or did such things to someone else.  I recently have been made aware that bullying is a huge issue in schools today, and now, I want to write something about it.

    A few Sundays ago, I was hanging out with some of the youth of my church at my church. We were sitting at a table, goofing around, and then started to talk about life. I don't remember how we got into the subject, but one of the girls,who's a pre-teen,  started to talk about how she was bullied in Colorado up until last year.  She talked about how  she would be in hiding in the bathroom away from other students because she was being bullied so much. She would just cry and cry. She would get hit by these bullies and be called names for no reason in front of other students. They teased her about her weight and clothes just to embarrass her in front of others. Going to school was a living nightmare for her. She tried to tell the teachers but none of them were fighting for her in her corner. She felt so alone at school and felt that no one cared because, pretty much no one didn't. However, during that time, she had a loving mom who tried to do all that she can to make school safe for her daughter, but to no avail. She ended up putting this pre-teen, into homeschooling. 

   As I was hearing her story, I felt my heart breaking more and more as she went on. I could not think of a reason for kids to be so mean and cold-hearted to her. I wasn't crying on the outside but felt like I was on the inside. She even said that she was becoming emotional for it was so hard to talk about those memories. I don't blame her. Maybe it is because they didn't happen so long ago in her past.

     Also while she was telling me her story, I started to feel familiar emotions in my own heart about my past. Has that ever happen to you? Sometimes, when you hear someone's story, it is like it's your story relived by someone else. Well, here's my story.

    It goes back to my kindergarden years. There was this one boy in my class who would make fun of me because my head was bigger than theirs. Yep, that's right and it was true,but that was their source of content to make me feel bad for no reason at all. I know that kids will be kids, but that was when my spirit would start to be crushed at the tender age of five. Fast forward to first grade. My family had moved to the next town over,so I
thought things would be different because I would be going to a  different school. I was wrong. I was harassed at that school as well. I remember in second grade, I was out on the basketball court playing with a basketball by myself. Next thing I remember, a group of kids came and stole the ball from me and harassed me at the same time for a long while. They did it just for fun. These were the same people who would make fun of me the rest of that year, as they have done the previous year during first grade. I couldn't understand why! I didn't do anything to these guys to invoke such a dis-pleasurable way to treat me. That memory has stuck with me for twenty years. I am thankful to God that I moved to another school that was more up-scale than the previous two, but I still dealt with being made fun of until I graduated high school. 

    Although people call it "making fun of  someone", there's nothing cheerful about breaking down another human being's spirit for your own pleasure. That same girl who told me her story, had also told me that someone told her people picked on her because they were jealous of her. That may be true. I would say that people pick on other's because they don't want any of the embarrassing comments made on them. When someone is being made fun of or physically picked on, they feel exposed. They lose a sense of identity as a fine human being, even to the point where they may believe that they are the person that their bullies call them. I have no doubt that that is how suicides happen. I have heard of stories where suicide victims have believed what was told to them about themselves by others. They have killed themselves because they hated the image they thought they portrayed. That reminds me.Some of the biggest bullies I have heard about are not even in the victims' schools. They are in the victims' homes. They're called fathers. I have watched TV shows and movies with fathers making fun of their kids and abusing them constantly.I believe that the writers can write those kinds of things in the script because those kinds of things happen in the real world. No one has the power and influence into a child's life like the father does, and by mocking their child and beating their kid senseless on a daily basis, the child either will become a suicide victim, deformed in some way, physically scarred or emotionally scarred(maybe both) for the rest of their lives because of the one man who's suppose to discipline them with love, shelter them with affirmation and treat them with care,among other things, twenty-four seven. A kid should NEVER be afraid of his or her father,but I am afraid that is a reality in many homes right now as I write this post. I am not saying that all fathers are that way because that's far from the truth; it's just I have heard more of fathers bullying their kids rather than mothers,although there are mothers who do it too.

    While I have been writing this post, I had to stop and posture myself many times because emotions were rising in my own heart. I confessed to the girl who shared her story that even at twenty-seven years old at the time, I still deal with emotions from my past and these feelings are about events that happened over fifteen years ago! But I also told her that these feelings are what remind us that we're human. Although I have come to know Jesus since then, my human heart still feels the affects of what happened years ago. In spite of those feelings, however, I know I can forgive them for what they have done to me because I have been forgiven much of what I have done to others and to God. 

    If you are someone who is going through any kind of bullying, I feel for you. I honestly do. I have been there and it is an ugly nightmare to live. A message I want you to read and remember is YOU ARE PRICELESS. People make fun of you because they are insecure in themselves and want you to feel insecure so that they will feel better about themselves. Another message I want you to read and remember is YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are kids your age who are being bullied constantly and feel abandoned. Suicide is all they can think about now. That's why there are organizations like Champions of Choices where a man name Marc Mero tours nationwide to schools everywhere to tell kids that their story is NOT UNIQUELY THEIR OWN. I beg you to please reach out to someone or call this phone number asap:407-862-4800. Do not waste time. If you want to have Marc Mero come to your child's school or if you work at a school and would like to have him come, click on the hyperlink above or click here: http://www.thinkpoz.org/booking-request-form/. 

    If you are a student who knows or suspects someone is being bullied, befriend them. No matter how different they are from you, befriend them as well as speak up for them to a teacher someone else who could do something about their situation. Sometimes we go down and out for the count in life and need others to fight for us when we have no strength to fight at all. You can change the course of someone's life today by befriending them. And who knows? maybe you'll be changing the world because you changed one person's life for good.

Sooooo.....about songwriting.

    One of my most earliest passions in life is songwriting. Ever since my pre-teen years, I wrote lyrics to songs, alongside my poems. I always felt such a "release" by doing that because I would imagine instruments upon instruments carrying melodies together in my head, and thus I would write lyrics to those same melodies. There would be symphonies and orchestras playing my music,but sadly, their accompaniments were never written. I never have strongly pursued music, however, I still write lyrics.

    These songs pretty much have been about God because I believe humans are created to worship Him, but in spite of that, I still feel such a freedom that seems "selfish." Here's what I mean: when I hear music in my head, it can be easy at times to have lyrics come to mind. So I jot them down. Sometimes the lyrics come out of something that is inspirational, like a sermon or a quote that I read somewhere. My inspiration to write songs come from many facets of mediums. Also, they can just come from within. Like today for instance. I remembered that my church is about to host a recital for all who want to be involved in it. Whether you play an instrument, or sing or dance, you can perform in this recital. I was thinking about it and all the sudden, this inspiration from my gut came from within and inspired me to be excited to write.

    Have you ever felt like you had this great idea about something and you don't have all the details of what it's about or consist of, but you start writing anyway because you believe it's going to be great? That's how I felt......

                                                   ..........and I LOVE that feeling!!!

It's such a rush, isn't it? Sometimes, I feel like I can go  a million directions with the first initial idea I had, and then sometimes there's only one direction I can go, and that's okay!! As long as I am going somewhere, I'm satisfied with the piece. I do have to say though, it can be good to have a piece that is open-ended for interpretation. I'm not saying that for worship songs,but I am saying that for general literature. I just watched this movie that was based on a book that came out a few years ago. I won't say what it is about but I will say that the end of this movie left a lot of questions. I was hoping that the villain in it would go to jail or be killed but that did not happen. Turns out, same thing happens in the book. I read that the author received a lot of flak for leaving the story so open-ended. Initially, I thought the same but then I thought, "You know what?That is clever. Not every story needs an ending." I think it's good for at least one author out of the bunch go outside the box and leave this genuine feeling of anticipation within the reader or viewer. That shows the reader or viewer that they were engaged into the story.I can appreciate it when I'm engaged into a story and not know what happens at the end, if I remember that it's okay for the writer to think outside the box. Otherwise,I will kick and scream since I am such a critic when it comes to entertainment. To add, I personally think a story with no ending is better than a story with a very stupid ending(Ever heard of LOST?!?!!...still recovering from that).

    Back to songwriting. I love doing it and  love people who do it as well. I know some fantastic people who can sing and write that share the same passion that I do for music and writing and I get excited when I can work with them. I am hoping that with the songs I have written tonight, they'd want to do something with them for the recital because I cannot sing them. Uh uh, no way, but they can. They have beautiful voices and have a pure heart for music and God. Plus, we are good friends so that makes this all work easier. However it goes from here in terms of songwriting, I have fresh faith that people will hear and feel the words I have written with my hand, as well as the ones that have yet left my heart because I'm seeing doors opening for me to shine and for people to be blessed by the gifts God has given me.

                                                                     What gifts has He given you??

Soooo....I lied.

    Let me rephrase the title: I misdiagnosed myself.

    At about 10:30 pm last night, the symptoms of what I thought was Pneumonia were flaring up, and I mean big time. I started to have that weezing sound as I was breathing in and out, and I felt like my lungs were being filled with Phlegm again.The lady of the couple I live with had a precious heart and said she had this Vicks Vaporizer that she sometimes puts on at night to help her breathe better. I gladly accepted that thing, and the minute I had it in my room, I stuck my face in that hot steam like it was the fountain of youth!! lol. No, but seriously, I felt my life depended on that thing. Throughout the night, it did a good number on me, unfortunately though, it didn't stop the onslaught of the sickness.

    So come about 11:15  or so, my body was letting me know that I was tired. However, my lungs said,"You....sleeping?? Oh no you don't!" The previous night before, I was able to go to bed at about 2:30 am, but this time, 2:30 came and went. I.Just.Could.Not. Rest! I'm sure many of you have gone through this too, am I right?? I would lay down and hope my lungs would give way for me to sleep,but as soon as the inflammation rose again, I was sitting back up again. Then maybe 20 minutes later,I lay down again. Still, no sleep. This went on until about 4:30 am, where I finally decide to go to the local E.R. I tried to stay away from it because I simply did not have the money to pay for another doctor bill. I know you guys can relate to that. Take on the battle yourself and save some money right? In this case, I think I was pretty stupid to think that. A wise parent of mine helped me to realize that.

    So I make it to the E.R. This was my first time there because it is a near medical center in Oviedo, Fl. Since it is, I thought I was going to have to go through a long process of entering my information in, but no, it was short and sweet.  Who wants to sit and talk about themselves that way in that matter anyway, when you came to the hospital because YOU are SICK and want to see a doctor?? I know it is important for them to have your info, but it's not something that I gladly look forward too. Anyway, the front desk clerk had taken me to a room to do the bare essentials on me and I waited in that room to see a doctor. I had a pleasant time there because the nurses were funny and one was very good at her bedside manners. After they had left for a while, I was able to get some reading in that was perfect for getting me ready for whatever medical procedures that awaited me. Yes, as I mentioned in an earlier post, I read American Sniper. How about that for a pleasant read in the hospital?haha.

   The doctor had finally come in and asked me some questions like most doctors do. Do you have any allergies? Do you have Diabetes? Do you have any family medical history with heart disease?Do you have Asthma? I did say no to most of those, however, I did bring up the fact that my grandfather has Parkinson's disease. The doctor didn't say much to that. So he had taken out his stethoscope to hear my breathing. Apparently nothing was alarming but right after, one of the nurses gave me a steroid that I was to breathe in through this breathalyzer machine. I used it for 5 minutes. It helped me greatly. After that, the doctor came back and notified me that I had Bronchitis, not Pneumonia. My first reaction was, "Oh man, I told a whole lot of people otherwise. Uh ohhhh.." I was glad, however, because he had informed me that bronchitis is a virus that leads to Pneumonia, so Pneumonia is worst. Here I was an hour before in my bed, thinking that I may die. No, the nurse at some point told me that the oxygen levels in my bloodstream were at 100% so I was fine. So at the end of my visit, the doctor signed off on an antibiotic prescription, a steroid prescription and a cough medicine prescription. I bought the steroid and antibiotic prescriptions because I didn't have enough money for the cough medicine(which was $54 btw including a discount) and I have Mucinex DM at home anyway.

   At some point today, I went to my church to meet up with a friend who graciously helped me out to buy the steroids. Everyone I knew there looked at me and said," What are you doing here, Daniel?!!" I was not surprised haha. Word had spread quickly of my condition thanks to Facebook. Btw, if your parents find out that you are going through a drastic episode of something via facebook, and if they love you, they'd be offended. Mine were. I don't know what I was thinking. I tend to go rogue when it comes to handling my own business, but that's not a good thing in a case like this. Next time, that won't happen. While I was at the church, I tried to tell my wonderful friends that I had a personal bubble they must not enter. Funny thing about that is Im a huge extrovert. We don't have personal bubbles usually. This bubble was for their own protection though. Even as I pulled into the Publix, I surprisingly saw a friend and her two children who I adore in the parking lot. Her girl came out of the car to hug me but immediately I said, "Stop! I have bronchitis!" with my hands up toward her. I had to say the same thing to her mother. It was good to see them but I was on my MC Hammer "Can't Touch This" mode.

     Thought you would get a kick out of the above :).  Can you imagine me doing that? Neither can I.

    Well, I am recovering. I am still pondering on if I should go to work or not. I do work in an office primarily, but my co-worker has not been going into work lately so I might be needed to go into the warehouse. It is dusty in there and all. I'm not one to be a pansy, but with what I just came through, I do not want to have that again so I need to be careful. This weekend was treacherous for me anyway. I cried out to God to heal me, tried everything I can to make myself better and get back on my feet, health-wise. All in all, I learned a few things of what not to do in these situations and learned again that my family cares and loves me, and that Bronchitis sucks big time pretty much. If you get it or think you do, see a doctor. Your health is more important than that impending bill you'll receive.

    One more thing, I apologize if I scared you with the false Pneumonia diagnosis. Thank you for your concern and prayers.

Sooo...my heart is broken

    Have you ever had those moments when you find out something about someone that completely blindsides you?You had no idea that they were going through it? That just happened to me last night.

    This past Thursday, night, we had a you leaders' meeting. The pastor of the youth asked how everyone was doing,so we just kinda updated everyone else what was going on with our lives. One of the leaders there had mentioned that he gathered with one of the youth earlier this week. He said that the youth was dealing with loneliness issues. So much so that he was crying before they met together. When I heard that, it broke my heart tremendously. I mean, I get to see this guy every Sunday and every youth service practically, and it never occurred to me that he was battling loneliness. He seems to be always upbeat, and he opens up to me pretty well when we do converse. I know it is not my job to know everyone else's problems and solve them, but I feel like I should have known about this predicament. It was not hard to notice that when I pondered on how this youth's interactions with people are like, I do not remember anyone praising him in a friendly way, asking him to hang out with them at all, or ever hear him say,"So and so just asked me to go hang out with them this Saturday." It seems like nothing really goes on with his life outside of church stuff and school. That is disheartening. I know.

    In this meeting that he had with my friend, he mentioned that he literally has no friends. I do not know to what degree that is exactly,but I remember growing up with few friends. I did have two best friends back in VA, but there was a period of time when I didn't feel like I had real special friends, and this was during my adult years. No one would call me or instant message me to hang out or let alone talk. Numerous times, I felt like I was in a prison!This major extrovert here needed an out to have fun in life. When I was stuck in my room, there was times that I felt I was suffocating. That would happen when I had absolutely nothing to do. Now be it, maybe I could have made a better effort to contact my "friends" to show interest in hanging out with them but still, it would have felt good to feel wanted.

    A few months ago, a friend of mine who is younger than me, said some of the most sobering words I needed to hear in all the seasons of my life. In the midst of these words, he said that I am afraid of being alone. I didn't know how to take that! I wanted to refute him so bad because I wanted to prove that that kind of insecurity did not exist with me anymore....but I couldn't. I was going to this family's house at least every other weekend to spend time with them and to get away from that which is so familiar in my surroundings where I live. When I go there, I lose phone signal so I practically am ghost to those who try to reach me, and I LOVE that. Granted, I can miss a serious situation back home if someone tried to reach me, but I do like to get away from it all. So I receive good perks when I go away, but the statement that my friend made, made me wonder,"Am I afraid to be alone? Do I try to band-aid the fear of loneliness with my friends?"- I think those are healthy questions to ask.

    The subject of this blog is not the fear of loneliness, but how do people deal with loneliness. That youth I mentioned above deals with it by crying about it(I say that with sincere care) because apparently the sense of shame has consumed him to the point of tears. This person is also a teenager, so he is not a little kid. As for me, I have dealt with loneliness by going to other peoples' houses. I know there is nothing wrong with community and friendship(especially if it's deep), but what about when I am alone? Shouldn't I feel okay? I am a christian, and as a Christian, I strive to believe that God is always with me wherever I am.I don't always believe that truly in my heart and that's a scary thing. It's scary because it can make you vulnerable to always feel lonely when you're alone. I'll write that again. It's scary because it can make you vulnerable to always feel lonely when you're alone. 'Well duhhh Daniel, of course you'd feel lonely because you ARE alone!!' is what you may be thinking but hear me out. You may be alone but you don't have to feel alone. God is everywhere in the form of his Spirit. The bible promises  that God draws near unto those who draw near unto Him. It also says that He is near the broken-hearted. However this issue might minutely sound, that young youth is going through something that has rocked his soul and so I hope I get to tell Him that truth about God before it's too late. I can't remember all the times I heard about suicide victims who killed themselves because of the loneliness they have felt. It's like they feel invisible and no one cares about them. I will make an effort to prove to this youth that he is important and a friend of mine.

    Thanks for reading this. It feels good to open up about these sort of things, especially when I know others are going through it in the world. I want to strongly encourage you to be on the lookout for those who may be suffering from loneliness. Tell them and show them that they are important to you. If you are one who is struggling with loneliness, don't give up on humanity. Sometimes it takes you to take the initial step to introduce yourself to someone else so that they can see how awesome you are. I know the value of having real friends but I also know the struggle it is to maintain real friendships. It takes work, but often times we find that as we strive to work on our friendships, we enjoy out-of-the-blue moments that become lifelong memories. Those are good because even when you are not physically with that person, you can think on those memories and not feel lonely in your heart.

Soooo.....I have Pneumonia

Dear Pneumonia,

        I hate you. I really do. You try to rob me from living life and do things that are calling my name today,but you won't!No brotha, not today! Okay, I won't go to the beach or hang out with many friends, but I won't refuse to write this post and read a #1 New York Times Bestseller American Sniper, so ha!Take that you really mean monkey!

                                                               Sincerely,

                                                                             This poor, suffering soul.


    Okay,I'm really not all that dramatic, but let me tell ya something: me and Pneumonia have a history together. Pneumonia is like that ex-girlfriend you never want to see in your life again but she keeps on re-appearing all the time because she knows how to get to you( btw guys or girls-I'm not saying you shall do this, but I would find it funny if you did call your ex's Pneumonia based on what you just read. It's mean, but it would be funny).Think about it. She's got your phone number, and if you change it, she can figure out what it is. She knows where you live because she has connections everywhere. No matter where you go or what you change in your life, she finds you and wants to END you! Yeah, Pneumonia is that ex, except I never wanted to go out with her in the first place.

I probably have had Pneumonia on a yearly basis since 2007. It's definitely a seasonal allergy thing that's going on. There's just something about the cold at night that flares up this allergic reaction in my respiratory system where my lungs attract mucus so much so that I cough it up almost repetitiously. I invite the coughs because that means my body is expelling things that should not be in my system, yet the coughing can be violent at times. I do not mean to be gross,but when talking about sickness,sometimes you need to go into the details to have the reader or listener engage themselves into.

    To treat myself today, I bought Mucinex DM Liquid from a Walgreens. The pharmacist recommended it to me, alongside Tylenol, but I did not have the funds to  get both. Funny story though. After the recommendation, a consumer came up to me and recommended me to get Nyquil instead of Mucinex because of what Mucinex had done to him when he was sick one time. He said that the Mucinex caused him to drain everything all at once out of his body and made him more miserable than the Nyquil did. I don't know exactly what he meant by being drained, but while I knew he meant well, I was poised to listen to the licensed pharmacist instead. After buying the Mucinex, I had taken my first dosage when I got into my car at the store because I was a mess.

    I didn't have that great of a night's sleep last night but made up for it when I slept from 8 am until 1 pm today.I feel well rested and good energy-wise. Here's the thing. I felt that way yesterday during the day as well before I had taken Mucinex while I was at work, so who knows besides God what is going to happen tonight. I should expect a different story now that I am medicated but we will see. I am hoping and praying to be well by tomorrow so I can attend church and be apart of an important meeting. This extrovert cannot be cooped up in the house for two days!! I'm surprised that I am not going crazy right now. I guess there is a joy in all this to find that I needed such a restful, quiet Saturday. I guess this is another breather I needed to have.

    I do have to be honest about something, however. As I am writing this blog, I'm thinking about the hundreds or even thousands of children who suffer from pneumonia and diseases like Malaria and have little to no access to medication. They only have the cards they're dealt with by improving from nature's medical remedies or suffer more by becoming more infected by mosquitoes or airborn diseases that are going around. My heart goes out to them.When thinking upon those kinds of things, it helps put your situation in perspective.

    Some of you might be asking why am I writing a post about this. While there are big events happening that people see in the news like social injustice, there's something about connecting with people with the mundane that helps humanity live together. So many times when I was going through minute events in my life, I have found enjoyment and care with reading or listening to someone speak about themselves going through the same thing I was going through. It let's me know that I am not alone. See what I mean? What may be an insignificant post to someone can be the post that makes the day for someone else. Plus, blogging is a practical way for me to just vent at times. Yes, I'm vulnerable to the world's opinion of me when I post about something,but that's better than cooping up my voice inside my heart. So anyway, I think a lot of people can relate to having Pneumonia and may get something out of this post.

Soooo.....my life can be chaotic.

                                                                         Ahhhhhhhh......

   
That, my friends, is the sound that my mouth just now made. I know that seems insignificant to you, but I have come to find that in my adult life, it's good to get a nice breather in. It's especially good during the chaos most of us experience in life. Am I right or am I right?......yeah, you know I'm right, gosh darn it!


    Since this is my first blog under my new user name, I bet there is a 99% chance you know me. With that said, you may ask, " How is your life chaotic Daniel?" Good question. Well, for one, I work a typical forty hours per week (give or take) at my job(will reveal in another blog.....maybe), and am involved with various church stuff. I absolutely love the church stuff, but I am involved in a lot of it. I am involved in the youth group as a leader, an outreach ministry once a month, two home groups (gatherings in peoples' homes) that meet every other week, while handling(or not handling) my responsibilities as an adult such as budgeting, chores and all that jazz. Granted, I am a single male who does not have to worry about kids and think about a wife that I care for everyday. I get that, but still, I too need to take a breather.

 


    I mean, has anyone truly figured out how to juggle between all the things they are involved in while keeping the others that they are involved with, happy? I would love to meet the man or woman who has mastered doing everything they are suppose to do, go to where they are suppose to go and not offend one person in a month's time due to themselves running out of steam because of life's chaotic-ness. Oh, and they have to be an extrovert. IMO, being an introvert would make all that so much more easier.

    Speaking of which, I think I am friends with a lot of introverts, and just noticed why. I just read an article that talks about the differences between introverts and extroverts. I won't get into all the details of it but one thing I will mention is that the author talks about how extroverts can get an introvert to open their bubbles to themselves, the extrovert. Basically, while not being in a festive environment where there is a gazillion people around, the extrovert takes initiative to get to know the introvert. More than likely you will end up in their personal bubble. I strive to do that with folks that I meet. I love meeting different kinds of people, introvert and extrovert alike. However, as much of a thrill that is, I realize that I make my life more susceptible to numerous invites and vulnerable to disappointing them in case I can't deliver on a promise or go to some event they ask me to make to. Either way, it makes my life chaotic at times.

     Don't get me wrong, I do not blame people at all for whatever chaos I have. I am a huge extrovert, so I need people in my life. That is how God designed me. It's just relationships can be hard to juggle around for usually you are emotionally involved with someone you are in a real relationship with(and no I'm not talking just girlfriend and boyfriend). All relationships can bring chaos into our lives. I know this because I'm in some of those kinds of relationships and witness some of those kinds of relationships on a weekly basis, for instance, marriage. I love to see husbands and wives love each other, but I also see the ugly side of marriage when the gloves come off. When that happens, I heard that one of the most popular things to do is walk away,get some fresh air, then re-group later. That would be what I call, a long breather.

       All in all,  I may not know chaos like you mothers, fathers, full-time teachers, presidents, school principals, mayors of cities, CEOs of Fortune 500 companies and all the other highly positioned people in the world, but man, I can use a little less chaos.