Soooo....I lied.

    Let me rephrase the title: I misdiagnosed myself.

    At about 10:30 pm last night, the symptoms of what I thought was Pneumonia were flaring up, and I mean big time. I started to have that weezing sound as I was breathing in and out, and I felt like my lungs were being filled with Phlegm again.The lady of the couple I live with had a precious heart and said she had this Vicks Vaporizer that she sometimes puts on at night to help her breathe better. I gladly accepted that thing, and the minute I had it in my room, I stuck my face in that hot steam like it was the fountain of youth!! lol. No, but seriously, I felt my life depended on that thing. Throughout the night, it did a good number on me, unfortunately though, it didn't stop the onslaught of the sickness.

    So come about 11:15  or so, my body was letting me know that I was tired. However, my lungs said,"You....sleeping?? Oh no you don't!" The previous night before, I was able to go to bed at about 2:30 am, but this time, 2:30 came and went. I.Just.Could.Not. Rest! I'm sure many of you have gone through this too, am I right?? I would lay down and hope my lungs would give way for me to sleep,but as soon as the inflammation rose again, I was sitting back up again. Then maybe 20 minutes later,I lay down again. Still, no sleep. This went on until about 4:30 am, where I finally decide to go to the local E.R. I tried to stay away from it because I simply did not have the money to pay for another doctor bill. I know you guys can relate to that. Take on the battle yourself and save some money right? In this case, I think I was pretty stupid to think that. A wise parent of mine helped me to realize that.

    So I make it to the E.R. This was my first time there because it is a near medical center in Oviedo, Fl. Since it is, I thought I was going to have to go through a long process of entering my information in, but no, it was short and sweet.  Who wants to sit and talk about themselves that way in that matter anyway, when you came to the hospital because YOU are SICK and want to see a doctor?? I know it is important for them to have your info, but it's not something that I gladly look forward too. Anyway, the front desk clerk had taken me to a room to do the bare essentials on me and I waited in that room to see a doctor. I had a pleasant time there because the nurses were funny and one was very good at her bedside manners. After they had left for a while, I was able to get some reading in that was perfect for getting me ready for whatever medical procedures that awaited me. Yes, as I mentioned in an earlier post, I read American Sniper. How about that for a pleasant read in the hospital?haha.

   The doctor had finally come in and asked me some questions like most doctors do. Do you have any allergies? Do you have Diabetes? Do you have any family medical history with heart disease?Do you have Asthma? I did say no to most of those, however, I did bring up the fact that my grandfather has Parkinson's disease. The doctor didn't say much to that. So he had taken out his stethoscope to hear my breathing. Apparently nothing was alarming but right after, one of the nurses gave me a steroid that I was to breathe in through this breathalyzer machine. I used it for 5 minutes. It helped me greatly. After that, the doctor came back and notified me that I had Bronchitis, not Pneumonia. My first reaction was, "Oh man, I told a whole lot of people otherwise. Uh ohhhh.." I was glad, however, because he had informed me that bronchitis is a virus that leads to Pneumonia, so Pneumonia is worst. Here I was an hour before in my bed, thinking that I may die. No, the nurse at some point told me that the oxygen levels in my bloodstream were at 100% so I was fine. So at the end of my visit, the doctor signed off on an antibiotic prescription, a steroid prescription and a cough medicine prescription. I bought the steroid and antibiotic prescriptions because I didn't have enough money for the cough medicine(which was $54 btw including a discount) and I have Mucinex DM at home anyway.

   At some point today, I went to my church to meet up with a friend who graciously helped me out to buy the steroids. Everyone I knew there looked at me and said," What are you doing here, Daniel?!!" I was not surprised haha. Word had spread quickly of my condition thanks to Facebook. Btw, if your parents find out that you are going through a drastic episode of something via facebook, and if they love you, they'd be offended. Mine were. I don't know what I was thinking. I tend to go rogue when it comes to handling my own business, but that's not a good thing in a case like this. Next time, that won't happen. While I was at the church, I tried to tell my wonderful friends that I had a personal bubble they must not enter. Funny thing about that is Im a huge extrovert. We don't have personal bubbles usually. This bubble was for their own protection though. Even as I pulled into the Publix, I surprisingly saw a friend and her two children who I adore in the parking lot. Her girl came out of the car to hug me but immediately I said, "Stop! I have bronchitis!" with my hands up toward her. I had to say the same thing to her mother. It was good to see them but I was on my MC Hammer "Can't Touch This" mode.

     Thought you would get a kick out of the above :).  Can you imagine me doing that? Neither can I.

    Well, I am recovering. I am still pondering on if I should go to work or not. I do work in an office primarily, but my co-worker has not been going into work lately so I might be needed to go into the warehouse. It is dusty in there and all. I'm not one to be a pansy, but with what I just came through, I do not want to have that again so I need to be careful. This weekend was treacherous for me anyway. I cried out to God to heal me, tried everything I can to make myself better and get back on my feet, health-wise. All in all, I learned a few things of what not to do in these situations and learned again that my family cares and loves me, and that Bronchitis sucks big time pretty much. If you get it or think you do, see a doctor. Your health is more important than that impending bill you'll receive.

    One more thing, I apologize if I scared you with the false Pneumonia diagnosis. Thank you for your concern and prayers.

Sooo...my heart is broken

    Have you ever had those moments when you find out something about someone that completely blindsides you?You had no idea that they were going through it? That just happened to me last night.

    This past Thursday, night, we had a you leaders' meeting. The pastor of the youth asked how everyone was doing,so we just kinda updated everyone else what was going on with our lives. One of the leaders there had mentioned that he gathered with one of the youth earlier this week. He said that the youth was dealing with loneliness issues. So much so that he was crying before they met together. When I heard that, it broke my heart tremendously. I mean, I get to see this guy every Sunday and every youth service practically, and it never occurred to me that he was battling loneliness. He seems to be always upbeat, and he opens up to me pretty well when we do converse. I know it is not my job to know everyone else's problems and solve them, but I feel like I should have known about this predicament. It was not hard to notice that when I pondered on how this youth's interactions with people are like, I do not remember anyone praising him in a friendly way, asking him to hang out with them at all, or ever hear him say,"So and so just asked me to go hang out with them this Saturday." It seems like nothing really goes on with his life outside of church stuff and school. That is disheartening. I know.

    In this meeting that he had with my friend, he mentioned that he literally has no friends. I do not know to what degree that is exactly,but I remember growing up with few friends. I did have two best friends back in VA, but there was a period of time when I didn't feel like I had real special friends, and this was during my adult years. No one would call me or instant message me to hang out or let alone talk. Numerous times, I felt like I was in a prison!This major extrovert here needed an out to have fun in life. When I was stuck in my room, there was times that I felt I was suffocating. That would happen when I had absolutely nothing to do. Now be it, maybe I could have made a better effort to contact my "friends" to show interest in hanging out with them but still, it would have felt good to feel wanted.

    A few months ago, a friend of mine who is younger than me, said some of the most sobering words I needed to hear in all the seasons of my life. In the midst of these words, he said that I am afraid of being alone. I didn't know how to take that! I wanted to refute him so bad because I wanted to prove that that kind of insecurity did not exist with me anymore....but I couldn't. I was going to this family's house at least every other weekend to spend time with them and to get away from that which is so familiar in my surroundings where I live. When I go there, I lose phone signal so I practically am ghost to those who try to reach me, and I LOVE that. Granted, I can miss a serious situation back home if someone tried to reach me, but I do like to get away from it all. So I receive good perks when I go away, but the statement that my friend made, made me wonder,"Am I afraid to be alone? Do I try to band-aid the fear of loneliness with my friends?"- I think those are healthy questions to ask.

    The subject of this blog is not the fear of loneliness, but how do people deal with loneliness. That youth I mentioned above deals with it by crying about it(I say that with sincere care) because apparently the sense of shame has consumed him to the point of tears. This person is also a teenager, so he is not a little kid. As for me, I have dealt with loneliness by going to other peoples' houses. I know there is nothing wrong with community and friendship(especially if it's deep), but what about when I am alone? Shouldn't I feel okay? I am a christian, and as a Christian, I strive to believe that God is always with me wherever I am.I don't always believe that truly in my heart and that's a scary thing. It's scary because it can make you vulnerable to always feel lonely when you're alone. I'll write that again. It's scary because it can make you vulnerable to always feel lonely when you're alone. 'Well duhhh Daniel, of course you'd feel lonely because you ARE alone!!' is what you may be thinking but hear me out. You may be alone but you don't have to feel alone. God is everywhere in the form of his Spirit. The bible promises  that God draws near unto those who draw near unto Him. It also says that He is near the broken-hearted. However this issue might minutely sound, that young youth is going through something that has rocked his soul and so I hope I get to tell Him that truth about God before it's too late. I can't remember all the times I heard about suicide victims who killed themselves because of the loneliness they have felt. It's like they feel invisible and no one cares about them. I will make an effort to prove to this youth that he is important and a friend of mine.

    Thanks for reading this. It feels good to open up about these sort of things, especially when I know others are going through it in the world. I want to strongly encourage you to be on the lookout for those who may be suffering from loneliness. Tell them and show them that they are important to you. If you are one who is struggling with loneliness, don't give up on humanity. Sometimes it takes you to take the initial step to introduce yourself to someone else so that they can see how awesome you are. I know the value of having real friends but I also know the struggle it is to maintain real friendships. It takes work, but often times we find that as we strive to work on our friendships, we enjoy out-of-the-blue moments that become lifelong memories. Those are good because even when you are not physically with that person, you can think on those memories and not feel lonely in your heart.