The Struggle

The Struggle

    We all struggle to one degree or another in different ways, during one point of time or another. You know I'm right. I know that you know I'm right because we-are-all-human. It happens, but why is it so hard for some to admit it when they need to??


   Yes, I have been that person. You know, the one who can keep his mouth shut about his own life, pretending that he's okay. I can be the same one that says," I am doing well!" while I am sick and angry at God at the same time. So yeah, my name is Daniel and I struggle A LOT.

Don't get me wrong, I see others struggle too. For instance, I see moms on facebook sharing their parenting struggles. Young adults sharing their struggles to fit in. Single people sharing their struggles of dating. That one is both on social and in real life.  I think I have more respect for those who struggle and talk about some of them compared to those who don't entirely.

Maybe I've got something wrong here.

  Should we talk about our struggles? What about our victories? Surely we can't encourage others to do better in life with just talking about our struggles, right?

  Well yes, I agree. If you're going to sell a product to someone but you yourself have not tried or used it, it would be so hard to sell. Same thing with victories. If you want to show your victories so you can give people a hope that will push them to better their lives, then do it. You're giving them an opportunity to rejoice with you as well as an opportunity to see to it that they pursue their own goals. However they respond to you is on them. Just don't gloat about your victories.

  I personally find it healthy to talk about your struggles but only in the right context( with the right people and at the right time).However, let's not be overbearing. Some people don't have the time nor energy to help carry the burdens that you struggle with. Plus, this post is about sharing your struggle to help the other person(s) live with their own struggles or see them be finished once and for all.

I'm actually asking. Do you feel it's generally necessary to share your struggles to connect with people? Or should people only see your successes? If both, do you usually know how to say each one?

Some people find it hard to talk about their struggles, even to their own friends(I certainly battle this from time to time). It's as if they are afraid of judgment from their peers. Again, I am not exempt. That person was me. Is it YOU?

New Year

                                                       Happy New Year!!


I guess I can still say that right? I mean, it's still January, soooo...yeah. It is MY blog anyway, right?...RIGHT??.....Okay then :).

Well, if you really get to know me, you'd know that I say sarcastic lines like I did above. My hope is that just like that line, my lines would get a chuckle out of the person they are directed to. It's either that or the not-so-subtle "Daniel-you-are-so-dumb" look I can get pretty frequently. Either way, my jokes demand a response usually.

When the new year is approaching,a lot of people seem to brace themselves for some kind of new life full of new hopes and dreams. I mean, that's what resolutions are made of right?? People have hopes and dreams that they feel they should accomplish in the new year. It's funny(not really but..), in my experience, people seem to make resolutions from the great ideas in their heads.
That's good and all, but if I can judge anything, I'd say that many of these endeavors aren't done out of desperation from the heart.

On January 1st of this year, I addressed this on Facebook. Here's what I posted:

"Just a thought: People make a lot of a resolutions for the new year. That's not a revelation, and it may be done with good intent. IMO however, only a few people make the resolutions out of a place from where their soul DESPERATELY wants that change. Resolutions may come from a thought in the mind as a good idea but not from a place of desperation. I'm reminded of the character named Killian from Iron Man 3. Sure, he's the villain but he thanked Tony Stark for something: Desperation. He achieved his status of power from desperation and almost defeated Iron Man and all that he had built.

My encouragement to you all and myself is to think about what your soul needs. I will add to seek God about these things too. Go beyond the good ideas and search your soul DEEPLY and go after what you truly need and get desperate. If its social justice, pray for change, seek organizations who support the change and do something about it. If it's exercise, if you can-stop reading this post and start by taking a walk. If it's getting to work on your spiritual life, read Matthew chapter 6 and see how Jesus prayed and pray for someone you know. Start somewhere and get desperate! A journey usually starts with a single step!"

See, I think desperation can be used in a good and bad way. It depends on the motive, goal and way of acting out of that desperation. For instance, a guy likes a girl at school. His goal is to ask her out to the soon-to-come homecoming dance. He strikes up conversations with her, but she keeps blowing him off. If he is a respectful guy, he'd had the courage to ask her out for the dance. And she says no the first time, but say she is a patient girl who needs to know that a guy truly cares about her by showing real interest in her? Well this guy writes her a poem, slips it into her locker,she opens and reads the poem that ends with asking her out to the dance, and her heart is so smitten by his words that she she checks yes under the poem, then everyone is happy and no harm was done. What if he was a jerk though, and after she says no to him the first time and he goes ballistic towards her in front of the entire school because he's desperate for her to know his feelings and that she hurt them?? What way was more honorable?? The first, right? Of course, depending on the situation and the people involved, but no one wants to be heckled, especially in front of others. The goal was to get a date with her to the dance, the motive was because he likes her but the different ways he acted on his feelings were on opposite sides of the spectrum of respect. To put a spin on it, what if the goal wasn't really because he liked her, but it was because he wanted to have sex with her?? Then that's when motives come to play.

If I didn't confuse you with that totally made up scenario, then you know what I mean. Desperation can lead us to do awesome things or terrible things, in awesome or terrible ways. My point, however, is that people should search within themselves what they need to do in life and find the amount of desperation they need. Go after that  goal with tenacity and fight until you reach it! That's what I'm doing. 

Sooooo....about Legacy

Hi y'all!!!!


It's been a while since I have posted on here, so let's get crackin'!


Lately, I have been thinking about the word legacy. There might be a few different things that come to mind when you think about it. You might think about the legacy of a person, like mother Theresa or Adolf Hitler(obviously not the type anyone should have), or that of a sports team, a country, or a grassroots organization. Whichever the case, the legacy that you are thinking of at some point made an impression on you. Am I right?

What about your legacy? Do you have one? If so, what is it?Do you think it is good or do you think it is a bad one? Some people aren't proud of the things that they have done, or the things that they are known for. More than likely, many of you are in that category. My hope is that this post will change that position.

When I first thought about the word legacy, I was thinking about my own. As a single, young male who wants to have a family someday, I thought about what kind of legacy would I want to  have for my spouse and my children to have in the future, should I get married and have kids.

Have you ever thought of that? For those of us who are single, I think it is important for us to grasp what our legacy might be now. I know as an adult I have gained more of an appreciation of the time that I have on this earth, meaning I now take more value in the moments I have in this life to maximize my time more than I have before. As a teenager I made decisions based on the feelings that I have about that particular situation without thinking about the future consequences my decisions would bring to me. For instance, when it came to pursuing girls, I would pursue based on the little  feelings I had without thinking about having a future with them most of the time. Making decisions like that usually had a negative effect on me. As an adult now, I think about my future way more than I did as a teenager, and therefore wised up a little.

I believe that as I was thinking about the word legacy the first time, I was thinking of a way to encourage myself to do greater things than what I was doing in my life. One thing I'd like to be is a great author, and I think that is one way to leave a good legacy for my children and wife if what I write is meaningful and build others up. That is just one example. Another example is how you daily treat others around you in your community. That helps bring a good sense of character building in your life. When you do get married and have children, the way that you live will be closely read by your loved one(s), and will have a profound effect on them and their worldview. That is my opinion, which is based on the families I personally know and the testimonies of parents who have changed their lives for the better.

You might be someone who feels that they cannot build a legacy. You may have been raised by two bad parents, just one parent, or no parents at all so you don't have a blueprint to go by what it means to build a legacy. There's a lot to say about that, but I will just say this: you are not a mistake,and it's not impossible to build a legacy. You are someone who is wired to do amazing things. That could be something as owning a big company that the entire world would know, or that can be a small ministry in the local community that only few people might know that is operated by a lot of love. Speaking of, whatever it is that you do in life, do it with love. If your legacy is built without love, then your legacy means nothing.

As a final thought, think about what you're passionate about. Examine it, study it, and do it. That is of course if it truly is serving humanity better. That is what love does.

Never....give....up

        It has been exactly 60 days since I last published a post. I didn't foresee something like that happening when I stated writing a blog, but you know what? Life happens, doesn't it?

        Don't get me wrong. I believe in the whole ' When life throws you lemons, make lemonade' but sometimes life throws a lot of lemons that you weren't ready to come at you. For instance, when I signed up for classes for the summer, I did not know that taking them would kick my rear end as much as they have. I have become mentally exhausted because of that. Secondly, school was another thing on my to-do list. I didn't manage to think about all the other stuff I was already doing, like ministry and work. It just seems that I do not have enough time to do all.

        Can you relate? If you're an adult, I'm sure you can. If you're younger, I'm sure you can too but most of you have parents that can help control the responsibilities you have in your life. My parents are still alive and are well, but as an adult, I am called to own up to my responsibilities and commitments that I make on my own. Naturally, When I see my responsibilities in front of me, I hope to see a Staples' "That was easy" button, so I can press it when the responsibility is dealt with, however, I usually don't. It's okay though, because in the midst of what seems impossible for me to do, I learn something. Progress never happens when you do nothing. You gotta do something to move on.

        There is always the wise thought of taking proper rest, but there's a difference between proactive rest and non-active rest, especially when it comes to exercise. In exercise, many trainers will tell you to make sure you get a good night's rest before you exercise the next day. that rest helps your body to build back up after your muscles are torn from the previous exercise. However, if you wake up the next day and don't do anything, you're slowing up the process of losing weight or gaining muscle because you're not training your body at all. That's too much rest.I feel like I have done that with several things in my life, like posting on this blog. It's time to train my writing muscles up again to keep the gift sharp.

        If there is any lesson that I can give someone when it comes to life, it is to never give up. I know it is cliche, and seems like a "duh" moment, but sometimes those are the three words we need to hear to finish something strong. I bet Martin Luther King Jr, wanted to give up but he had his wife, friends and colleagues to encourage him to continue to lead the fight against Jim Crow. I'm sure George Washington had been tired during the Revolutionary War but he did not quit, he pressed on, rode the Delaware and won the war for America. I'm sure Harriet Tubman didn't think it would be easy to lead a lot of slaves to freedom through the underground railroad, but with the help she had from others in that network, she led many people to freedom during one of America's most dark hours in history.

        The point is, they never gave up. Despite the lemons thrown at them, they pressed on and now their names are in the history books because of their great achievements, which were not self but were for others to benefit from. Whatever the dream, whatever the goal-never give up. If it's for the benefit of yourself ad those around you, never give up, and when the naysayers in your head or other people say you can't do this or that, say it is not up to them. Say that you'll....

                                                   

Soooo...about bullying.

    Usually when I want to write about a certain subject, I know how to begin writing about it pretty quickly. However, when it comes to bullying, I am not sure where to begin, to be honest. It is such a sore subject because I would say most people who had been to  school or are current students in school(public or private) have experienced bullying in some way.According to an organization called "Champions of Choices", bullying is ".... a form of harassment and can be defined as a willful attempt to control others through verbal abuse, exclusion, or physical violence." With that definition in mind, it would be hard to think that most people have not endured such things or did such things to someone else.  I recently have been made aware that bullying is a huge issue in schools today, and now, I want to write something about it.

    A few Sundays ago, I was hanging out with some of the youth of my church at my church. We were sitting at a table, goofing around, and then started to talk about life. I don't remember how we got into the subject, but one of the girls,who's a pre-teen,  started to talk about how she was bullied in Colorado up until last year.  She talked about how  she would be in hiding in the bathroom away from other students because she was being bullied so much. She would just cry and cry. She would get hit by these bullies and be called names for no reason in front of other students. They teased her about her weight and clothes just to embarrass her in front of others. Going to school was a living nightmare for her. She tried to tell the teachers but none of them were fighting for her in her corner. She felt so alone at school and felt that no one cared because, pretty much no one didn't. However, during that time, she had a loving mom who tried to do all that she can to make school safe for her daughter, but to no avail. She ended up putting this pre-teen, into homeschooling. 

   As I was hearing her story, I felt my heart breaking more and more as she went on. I could not think of a reason for kids to be so mean and cold-hearted to her. I wasn't crying on the outside but felt like I was on the inside. She even said that she was becoming emotional for it was so hard to talk about those memories. I don't blame her. Maybe it is because they didn't happen so long ago in her past.

     Also while she was telling me her story, I started to feel familiar emotions in my own heart about my past. Has that ever happen to you? Sometimes, when you hear someone's story, it is like it's your story relived by someone else. Well, here's my story.

    It goes back to my kindergarden years. There was this one boy in my class who would make fun of me because my head was bigger than theirs. Yep, that's right and it was true,but that was their source of content to make me feel bad for no reason at all. I know that kids will be kids, but that was when my spirit would start to be crushed at the tender age of five. Fast forward to first grade. My family had moved to the next town over,so I
thought things would be different because I would be going to a  different school. I was wrong. I was harassed at that school as well. I remember in second grade, I was out on the basketball court playing with a basketball by myself. Next thing I remember, a group of kids came and stole the ball from me and harassed me at the same time for a long while. They did it just for fun. These were the same people who would make fun of me the rest of that year, as they have done the previous year during first grade. I couldn't understand why! I didn't do anything to these guys to invoke such a dis-pleasurable way to treat me. That memory has stuck with me for twenty years. I am thankful to God that I moved to another school that was more up-scale than the previous two, but I still dealt with being made fun of until I graduated high school. 

    Although people call it "making fun of  someone", there's nothing cheerful about breaking down another human being's spirit for your own pleasure. That same girl who told me her story, had also told me that someone told her people picked on her because they were jealous of her. That may be true. I would say that people pick on other's because they don't want any of the embarrassing comments made on them. When someone is being made fun of or physically picked on, they feel exposed. They lose a sense of identity as a fine human being, even to the point where they may believe that they are the person that their bullies call them. I have no doubt that that is how suicides happen. I have heard of stories where suicide victims have believed what was told to them about themselves by others. They have killed themselves because they hated the image they thought they portrayed. That reminds me.Some of the biggest bullies I have heard about are not even in the victims' schools. They are in the victims' homes. They're called fathers. I have watched TV shows and movies with fathers making fun of their kids and abusing them constantly.I believe that the writers can write those kinds of things in the script because those kinds of things happen in the real world. No one has the power and influence into a child's life like the father does, and by mocking their child and beating their kid senseless on a daily basis, the child either will become a suicide victim, deformed in some way, physically scarred or emotionally scarred(maybe both) for the rest of their lives because of the one man who's suppose to discipline them with love, shelter them with affirmation and treat them with care,among other things, twenty-four seven. A kid should NEVER be afraid of his or her father,but I am afraid that is a reality in many homes right now as I write this post. I am not saying that all fathers are that way because that's far from the truth; it's just I have heard more of fathers bullying their kids rather than mothers,although there are mothers who do it too.

    While I have been writing this post, I had to stop and posture myself many times because emotions were rising in my own heart. I confessed to the girl who shared her story that even at twenty-seven years old at the time, I still deal with emotions from my past and these feelings are about events that happened over fifteen years ago! But I also told her that these feelings are what remind us that we're human. Although I have come to know Jesus since then, my human heart still feels the affects of what happened years ago. In spite of those feelings, however, I know I can forgive them for what they have done to me because I have been forgiven much of what I have done to others and to God. 

    If you are someone who is going through any kind of bullying, I feel for you. I honestly do. I have been there and it is an ugly nightmare to live. A message I want you to read and remember is YOU ARE PRICELESS. People make fun of you because they are insecure in themselves and want you to feel insecure so that they will feel better about themselves. Another message I want you to read and remember is YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are kids your age who are being bullied constantly and feel abandoned. Suicide is all they can think about now. That's why there are organizations like Champions of Choices where a man name Marc Mero tours nationwide to schools everywhere to tell kids that their story is NOT UNIQUELY THEIR OWN. I beg you to please reach out to someone or call this phone number asap:407-862-4800. Do not waste time. If you want to have Marc Mero come to your child's school or if you work at a school and would like to have him come, click on the hyperlink above or click here: http://www.thinkpoz.org/booking-request-form/. 

    If you are a student who knows or suspects someone is being bullied, befriend them. No matter how different they are from you, befriend them as well as speak up for them to a teacher someone else who could do something about their situation. Sometimes we go down and out for the count in life and need others to fight for us when we have no strength to fight at all. You can change the course of someone's life today by befriending them. And who knows? maybe you'll be changing the world because you changed one person's life for good.

Sooooo.....about songwriting.

    One of my most earliest passions in life is songwriting. Ever since my pre-teen years, I wrote lyrics to songs, alongside my poems. I always felt such a "release" by doing that because I would imagine instruments upon instruments carrying melodies together in my head, and thus I would write lyrics to those same melodies. There would be symphonies and orchestras playing my music,but sadly, their accompaniments were never written. I never have strongly pursued music, however, I still write lyrics.

    These songs pretty much have been about God because I believe humans are created to worship Him, but in spite of that, I still feel such a freedom that seems "selfish." Here's what I mean: when I hear music in my head, it can be easy at times to have lyrics come to mind. So I jot them down. Sometimes the lyrics come out of something that is inspirational, like a sermon or a quote that I read somewhere. My inspiration to write songs come from many facets of mediums. Also, they can just come from within. Like today for instance. I remembered that my church is about to host a recital for all who want to be involved in it. Whether you play an instrument, or sing or dance, you can perform in this recital. I was thinking about it and all the sudden, this inspiration from my gut came from within and inspired me to be excited to write.

    Have you ever felt like you had this great idea about something and you don't have all the details of what it's about or consist of, but you start writing anyway because you believe it's going to be great? That's how I felt......

                                                   ..........and I LOVE that feeling!!!

It's such a rush, isn't it? Sometimes, I feel like I can go  a million directions with the first initial idea I had, and then sometimes there's only one direction I can go, and that's okay!! As long as I am going somewhere, I'm satisfied with the piece. I do have to say though, it can be good to have a piece that is open-ended for interpretation. I'm not saying that for worship songs,but I am saying that for general literature. I just watched this movie that was based on a book that came out a few years ago. I won't say what it is about but I will say that the end of this movie left a lot of questions. I was hoping that the villain in it would go to jail or be killed but that did not happen. Turns out, same thing happens in the book. I read that the author received a lot of flak for leaving the story so open-ended. Initially, I thought the same but then I thought, "You know what?That is clever. Not every story needs an ending." I think it's good for at least one author out of the bunch go outside the box and leave this genuine feeling of anticipation within the reader or viewer. That shows the reader or viewer that they were engaged into the story.I can appreciate it when I'm engaged into a story and not know what happens at the end, if I remember that it's okay for the writer to think outside the box. Otherwise,I will kick and scream since I am such a critic when it comes to entertainment. To add, I personally think a story with no ending is better than a story with a very stupid ending(Ever heard of LOST?!?!!...still recovering from that).

    Back to songwriting. I love doing it and  love people who do it as well. I know some fantastic people who can sing and write that share the same passion that I do for music and writing and I get excited when I can work with them. I am hoping that with the songs I have written tonight, they'd want to do something with them for the recital because I cannot sing them. Uh uh, no way, but they can. They have beautiful voices and have a pure heart for music and God. Plus, we are good friends so that makes this all work easier. However it goes from here in terms of songwriting, I have fresh faith that people will hear and feel the words I have written with my hand, as well as the ones that have yet left my heart because I'm seeing doors opening for me to shine and for people to be blessed by the gifts God has given me.

                                                                     What gifts has He given you??

Soooo....I lied.

    Let me rephrase the title: I misdiagnosed myself.

    At about 10:30 pm last night, the symptoms of what I thought was Pneumonia were flaring up, and I mean big time. I started to have that weezing sound as I was breathing in and out, and I felt like my lungs were being filled with Phlegm again.The lady of the couple I live with had a precious heart and said she had this Vicks Vaporizer that she sometimes puts on at night to help her breathe better. I gladly accepted that thing, and the minute I had it in my room, I stuck my face in that hot steam like it was the fountain of youth!! lol. No, but seriously, I felt my life depended on that thing. Throughout the night, it did a good number on me, unfortunately though, it didn't stop the onslaught of the sickness.

    So come about 11:15  or so, my body was letting me know that I was tired. However, my lungs said,"You....sleeping?? Oh no you don't!" The previous night before, I was able to go to bed at about 2:30 am, but this time, 2:30 came and went. I.Just.Could.Not. Rest! I'm sure many of you have gone through this too, am I right?? I would lay down and hope my lungs would give way for me to sleep,but as soon as the inflammation rose again, I was sitting back up again. Then maybe 20 minutes later,I lay down again. Still, no sleep. This went on until about 4:30 am, where I finally decide to go to the local E.R. I tried to stay away from it because I simply did not have the money to pay for another doctor bill. I know you guys can relate to that. Take on the battle yourself and save some money right? In this case, I think I was pretty stupid to think that. A wise parent of mine helped me to realize that.

    So I make it to the E.R. This was my first time there because it is a near medical center in Oviedo, Fl. Since it is, I thought I was going to have to go through a long process of entering my information in, but no, it was short and sweet.  Who wants to sit and talk about themselves that way in that matter anyway, when you came to the hospital because YOU are SICK and want to see a doctor?? I know it is important for them to have your info, but it's not something that I gladly look forward too. Anyway, the front desk clerk had taken me to a room to do the bare essentials on me and I waited in that room to see a doctor. I had a pleasant time there because the nurses were funny and one was very good at her bedside manners. After they had left for a while, I was able to get some reading in that was perfect for getting me ready for whatever medical procedures that awaited me. Yes, as I mentioned in an earlier post, I read American Sniper. How about that for a pleasant read in the hospital?haha.

   The doctor had finally come in and asked me some questions like most doctors do. Do you have any allergies? Do you have Diabetes? Do you have any family medical history with heart disease?Do you have Asthma? I did say no to most of those, however, I did bring up the fact that my grandfather has Parkinson's disease. The doctor didn't say much to that. So he had taken out his stethoscope to hear my breathing. Apparently nothing was alarming but right after, one of the nurses gave me a steroid that I was to breathe in through this breathalyzer machine. I used it for 5 minutes. It helped me greatly. After that, the doctor came back and notified me that I had Bronchitis, not Pneumonia. My first reaction was, "Oh man, I told a whole lot of people otherwise. Uh ohhhh.." I was glad, however, because he had informed me that bronchitis is a virus that leads to Pneumonia, so Pneumonia is worst. Here I was an hour before in my bed, thinking that I may die. No, the nurse at some point told me that the oxygen levels in my bloodstream were at 100% so I was fine. So at the end of my visit, the doctor signed off on an antibiotic prescription, a steroid prescription and a cough medicine prescription. I bought the steroid and antibiotic prescriptions because I didn't have enough money for the cough medicine(which was $54 btw including a discount) and I have Mucinex DM at home anyway.

   At some point today, I went to my church to meet up with a friend who graciously helped me out to buy the steroids. Everyone I knew there looked at me and said," What are you doing here, Daniel?!!" I was not surprised haha. Word had spread quickly of my condition thanks to Facebook. Btw, if your parents find out that you are going through a drastic episode of something via facebook, and if they love you, they'd be offended. Mine were. I don't know what I was thinking. I tend to go rogue when it comes to handling my own business, but that's not a good thing in a case like this. Next time, that won't happen. While I was at the church, I tried to tell my wonderful friends that I had a personal bubble they must not enter. Funny thing about that is Im a huge extrovert. We don't have personal bubbles usually. This bubble was for their own protection though. Even as I pulled into the Publix, I surprisingly saw a friend and her two children who I adore in the parking lot. Her girl came out of the car to hug me but immediately I said, "Stop! I have bronchitis!" with my hands up toward her. I had to say the same thing to her mother. It was good to see them but I was on my MC Hammer "Can't Touch This" mode.

     Thought you would get a kick out of the above :).  Can you imagine me doing that? Neither can I.

    Well, I am recovering. I am still pondering on if I should go to work or not. I do work in an office primarily, but my co-worker has not been going into work lately so I might be needed to go into the warehouse. It is dusty in there and all. I'm not one to be a pansy, but with what I just came through, I do not want to have that again so I need to be careful. This weekend was treacherous for me anyway. I cried out to God to heal me, tried everything I can to make myself better and get back on my feet, health-wise. All in all, I learned a few things of what not to do in these situations and learned again that my family cares and loves me, and that Bronchitis sucks big time pretty much. If you get it or think you do, see a doctor. Your health is more important than that impending bill you'll receive.

    One more thing, I apologize if I scared you with the false Pneumonia diagnosis. Thank you for your concern and prayers.